Attachment Styles and Sex

Presenters: Maoz Yaakov & Noga Maivar

Meditation by the presenter: Imagine taking a step toward your intimate partner. Take another step toward them. See what it feels like in your body to step toward them. Check in to see if there’s a barrier or something stopping you from stepping toward them. Thank the barrier for protecting you and ask it to step behind you to support you as you step toward them.

My boundary exercise: Stand apart from someone and ask them to take a step toward you. See how you feel about it. Ask them to take a step away from you. See how you feel about it. Practice stepping toward or away from them and see how it feels in your body. How does it feel different if they move toward you or you move toward them? What thoughts do you have about asking them to move closer or further? What thoughts do you have as they step closer or further?

Presenters said: Women with anxious attachment tend not to have orgasms with their partner. Men with anxious attachment tend to have delayed ejaculation. Women with avoidant attachment tend to have pain with penetration. Men with avoidant attachment tend to have premature ejaculation.

My take on it: Their hypotheses could make sense. Those with anxious attachment might want the interaction to last longer, so delaying orgasm would help it to last longer if they were with a caring partner. Those with avoidant attachment want the close interaction over sooner, so they might have reactions that ensure it does not last long. Our attachment styles can also impact our experience of our bodies. Those with avoidant attachment typically get less touch, so they could get overstimulated more easily. They also might be more likely to tell their partner what they want because they are less concerned about losing the relationship. Those with anxious attachment may be paying less attention to their own body sensations and may be less likely to ask for what they want for fear that the other person might leave. And of course, these are all massive generalizations and vary from person to person.

Head here to learn more about attachment or here to learn more about how I incorporate exercises like these into therapy.


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